its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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