just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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