I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
