And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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