My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
