haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
