Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
