Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
