she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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