Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
