She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well I just put wine in my tea
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
