Will you blow on my dice?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
