Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
