Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
