Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
