she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
