New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
