Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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