there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize