Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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