It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
