I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
