I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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