Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
