girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
