I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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