I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
