You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We left the knife in your bed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize
