Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he thought i was a dude.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
