i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
