threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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