people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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