I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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