the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
