guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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