I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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