if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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