my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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