Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
