Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
