Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
