I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
