idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
