my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize