sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
