She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
