She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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