That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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