quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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