No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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