cat food counts as protein by the way
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
