Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
