Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
