My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
