Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
a search helicopter?!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
