My first STD was from a foam party
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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