so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
