I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
