so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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