Acid is not a monday night drug
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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