Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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