Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
