the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
