The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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