There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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