Whoa Z and x make the same sound
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
