Duck Duck Cougar?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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